When the opportunity arose to attend a Yoga/Hiking retreat with Get Out There Girl, my first thought was that I was too scared to go. I don’t love traveling (an understatement), and I feel an even more intense separation anxiety when I travel without my family. However, someone I love had attended a retreat previously and I saw the way it changed her life. My heart ached to experience a similar change in my own. The idea of reentering the world of yoga was intriguing, but I wasn’t excited about hiking. A few years ago, I had heat stroke and I suffer from PTSD whenever I am in the heat. This led to me feeling fearful about the whole trip. Going with people I don’t know, experiencing things that are hard and my fears screamed loudly that I couldn’t do it. One thing pushed me forward.
My greatest desire is to live anxiety free. Thus far in my 53 years, anxiety has been my continual companion and every effort made to conquer it has fallen short or failed completely. This time in the world with the pandemic has been especially difficult so I took advantage of a brief moment of bravery and signed up. Honestly, I almost canceled many times. But I chose to go and I will be forever grateful! There are a couple of significant things, among many great experiences, that made it worth all the worry and anxiety.
The first is that we had two workshops with one of the most amazing, talented and wise women I have ever met. Her name is Niki Olsen and she walked us through a method called Mind Body Bridging. The process was overwhelmingly impactful for me. Personally, I felt a change in my heart about anxiety. I now believe that, little by little, following this process will help me understand why I respond the way I do and allow me to move through it. Niki is a person I want to be like and I wish with all my heart she lived next door to me! When difficult things happen, I usually fall apart. However, the night after I got home from the retreat my son broke his collar bone in a severe manner and had to have surgery. There was definitely anxiety, but I put in to practice the things Niki had taught and I was far better than I would have been before the workshops and retreat.
The second was on a hike. These women didn’t know anything about my past or difficulties, as I didn’t know theirs, and I didn’t want to appear weak. As we started the hike I began to panic and my heart raced as I worried that the heat would overtake me. I had to stop a few times to breathe and put every effort into believing in myself. It wasn’t a difficult or demanding hike, but my anxiety started to overpower. My self-talk was negative and, with every part of my heart and mind, I had to push myself to keep going. I tried to tell myself I could do it and, step by step, I did it! The chatting among the women, who quickly began to feel like friends, and following them pushed me forward. There were many times that my belief in myself wavered, but I made it. At the top we rested at a beautiful waterfall and took pictures and had lunch. The others didn’t know what a triumph it was for me, but it’s a personal victory that I will always remember. And better yet….I want to go hiking again!
Our time practicing yoga was also amazing. We were outside in the most beautiful scenery and breathing in the fresh air among the trees. The view of the mountains and green grass was healing and invigorating at the same time. The entire weekend was important for me and I believe a turning point in my journey through this life. Bravery and adventure are not my strongest traits, but I am a few steps closer.
Hi! I’m Brittany Long! I was raised in Tennessee with my 9 siblings, by my amazing parents. I moved out west to go to college and met my husband a couple of years later. In fact, Brittany was my neighbor at the time! So, I’ve known her for about the same time as my hubby! My hubby and I have been out west ever since. Going on 15 years of marriage and 4 children later we are still alive and well.
I say alive and well, because August 30, 2016, I was diagnosed with AML, a rare form of leukemia. I was sent directly to the LDS hospital in Salt Lake City where I stayed 32 days and had extreme Chemo. While there my doctors realized I had a very low chance of survival unless I received a bone marrow transplant. Thankfully I have so many siblings, because 4 of them were full matches. The doctors chose my brother LeGrand to be my donor. I was sent home for 3 weeks while they prepped for my transplant. Then I was sent back to the hospital for another 28 day stay while I recovered from my transplant. I could go on and on to explain my full story, but this is just a quick explanation to give you somewhat of an idea of what happened almost 4 years ago. During that time, and for months after, I had to give in to allowing people to help me and my family. I had to swallow my pride and allow others to help raise my 4 children for me, bring meals and clean my house because I couldn’t physically do it myself. My amazing mom would come to take care of us, and stay for a month at a time with a few weeks break, and then come right back. When I finally looked at myself as others saw me I was finally able to have self compassion and fully lay back and focus on myself and getting better.
Brittany and her mom during one of her hospital stays
I am now in remission and doing amazing! Fast forward about a year and a half later and my wonderful mom was diagnosed with Gallbladder cancer. You’ve never heard of it? Neither had we! It’s a very rare cancer and is mainly found after getting your gallbladder removed, it’s also in the same family as pancreatic cancer. After her diagnosis I was able to fly to TN quite a few times to be with her. My family and I just “knew” she’d be a miracle just like me! But, sadly, she ended up dying 4 months after being diagnosed. This has been the hardest thing I’ve ever dealt with in my life. I would’ve had cancer over and over myself, if it meant not losing my mom. She was my best friend and seriously, a mom others envied.
Brittany and her mom
I have always loved being around people, in fact, I had more visitors come to the hospital than any of the nurses had ever seen! And that’s because I welcomed visitors, I welcomed them to join along in my journey. But, after Momma died, I closed myself off. I found myself having social anxiety. I couldn’t put myself out there. When I went out with friends, all I thought about was getting home and into a safe environment where I didn’t have to open myself up.
I started seeing advertisements for Brittany’s GOTG retreats. I longed to go on them but had anxiety thinking about it. I finally got the courage up enough to go on the Cowgirl Retreat…because…HORSES!! I was so nervous, but I was going to do it. But, sadly the plans fell through for me. Finally Britt advertised a day retreat, only a day! If I could do anything, I could get through only a day! So, I signed up, I went, and can I just say….it was exactly what I needed!!!
Other women talked to me, shared their stories and welcomed hearing my own. We went on a beautiful hike, had an amazing yoga session, a yummy lunch and a wonderful speaker who spoke on sharing your “unimaginable”!! It felt like it was planned for me. With other people sharing their unimaginables, somehow I felt comfortable sharing mine. There wasn’t one moment where I wanted to go home, where I felt anxious or judged. It was exactly what I’ve been longing for. I felt uplifted and stronger for going. I can’t wait for another retreat! It gave me the strength and courage I needed to know that I can get out there again and continue to be around others, because honestly, making connections with others is what gets me through this bumpy road we call life!
