I am so grateful for each woman who shares her story with us. There is power in connection and vulnerability. Melissa is an amazing woman who I love being around. She radiates a love for life that is contagious. You can feel her strength and her resilience when you are around her. When you read her story you will see that life hasn’t turned out the way she planned but she has embraced it and made it wonderful. I just love her attitude and her strength! Thank you for sharing and being a wonderful example to all of us Melissa.
Melissa’s Story:
When I was a teenager I imagined a yellow brick road to eternal bliss upon which I would perfectly make everyone in my circles happy and proud of me. I would have a joyful marriage with adventures my husband would plan for us, a handful of kids and I would be totally appreciated as a stay-at-home mom. Today I am 46 years old with 5 awesome kids. I’ve been divorced twice and have needed YEARS of therapy to recover from two deeply damaging marriages (and divorces) and very low self-esteem. At times I felt hopeless, weak and all I could do was cry and wish for someone to come save me.
I have had to redefine my hopes and dreams and take charge of them myself. Amazing therapists and my own determination have guided me to develop the strength to trust myself, learn my own value, and feel empowered to create my own happiness. It has been so hard and has not come naturally to me! I now work full time, run my own household, and recognize that I no longer need or want someone to save me. I have learned how to save myself!
I didn’t use to practice the art of being kind to myself. Did you know perfection is impossible? It has taken time to gently understand that I am just doing the best I can in each deficient moment and with each mistake. Instead of criticizing myself, I have worked to view each fall as a teaching moment and learn from it. I needed to accept my imperfections and love myself exactly as I am. This has been crucial! Without even realizing it, I’m also teaching my kids about self-care by showing them what that looks like when I handle my mistakes with grace and take time for myself to go on adventures for personal fulfillment.
How does a single mom express her adventurous side? “Mom Fieldtrips” with my incredible kids started out small with local hikes. All we needed were shoes on our feet and a map on my phone. As I have become more courageous, our activities have progressed into weekends out of town camping, spelunking, and strapping on microspikes so we can hike to frozen waterfalls.
Another step in my journey has been slowly testing my courage without my kids. Last fall for the first time I spent a few weekends canyoneering and I even rappelled down a 300 foot drop-off! I am so proud of myself. When I head into the mountains I feel the weight of life on my shoulders. Once I hit the trail those worries disappear because of the beauty surrounding me. I’m the girl who exclaims every 10 feet, “Oh! What a gorgeous view! Look at the river! Can you hear the birds?” Being out in nature is therapy for my soul.
One thing that has been missing for me in these adventures has been connecting with women who are looking for the same thing. Last fall I found Get Out There Girl and a few other female-based hiking groups. In January I was able to go up to Starr Valley, Wyoming on a dogsledding weekend with Brittany and 10 women I had never met before. I was nervous! Would they like me? Would I feel comfortable? Would I like them? I was thrilled to discover that each of these women also came seeking connection. We shared about our relationships and experiences in open ways that allowed us to get to know each other’s hearts and intentions. Brittany taught a workshop on vulnerability that resonated with me. You get what you put into something. If you come into a situation willing to listen and share with open hearts, you’re going to be able to connect with people who are doing the same thing.
Life is happier when I am kind to myself and I make myself a priority. I can’t wait to meet more women who are doing the same and to see where my next adventures will take me!
My purpose with the Share-My-Story Series is to help us see ourselves in each other’s stories. I truly believe that seeing our shared humanity will bring us closer together. We are much more alike than different and we all have battles we are fighting. I am so grateful to so many of you for sharing vulnerably. My heart is overwhelmed with love every time I read one of your stories.
I met Kelli on last year’s couples retreat in Moab, Utah. She and her husband, Mike, came with us and they are the type of people you want to come with you on every trip. Kelli is warm and friendly and as adventurous as heck. We had a couple hours of down time on the retreat and ended up going rock climbing spontaneously because it sounded fun. They are cool like that! Kelli is the type of person I wish I could hike with every week and just soak up her good energy. Kelli was brave and shared one of her struggles with us. Thank you Kelli for being you and for showing your vulnerable side with us. Love you!
Kelli’s Story:
Hello! I am Kelli. I am a Lover of mountain sports, all things outdoors, my beautiful children, my handsome husband, my amazing dogs and my family and friends.
This was truly one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. My inspiring friend Brittany asked me to share my story. My Story. And for the next two weeks I put it off repeatedly because telling your story feels scary. Sharing the not so pretty parts, writing it all down makes it real and sharing it leaves me feeling vulnerable. Two things I do not particularly enjoy. I like to laugh and most people who’ve met me know that. I’m seemingly always delightful and full of joy and energy and sunshine. I enjoy light feelings, stupid humor, fart jokes and all things superficial, silly, casual and without depth because depth fills me with fear. I have a nervous mind. I think and over think and ruminate until I am unwell. Even the smallest of conflicts can create deep and resonating fears of abandonment because someone has seen that I’m imperfect. Only a very small handful of people know this about me, so sharing my story tells everyone the ugly truth. I decided to share my story because there have been so many brave women who went before me in their beautiful honesty and have allowed me the courage to face my own short comings and find healthy ways to cope.
I was born a pretty girl. Now I know how that sounds, trust me, I am NOT full of myself, in fact quite the opposite. I am always surprised when people like me or find value in what I have to offer. I felt the pressures that are assigned to young girls, at least to me, to look a certain way, to wear my hair a certain way, to weigh a certain perfect amount of pounds so that I could be pleasing. When I was in Junior high I was teased on the bus and called “Santa Clause” for my imperfect 13 year old body. This is where my eating disorder began and my drive to at least be perceived as pleasing switched into over drive. Years of over working/under feeding and sort of perpetually living with the feeling that I was “in trouble” “ inadequate” and truly perpetually uncomfortable. (think the feeling you have when you’ve just been called to the principals office. All the time.) My mind didn’t allow any room for peace and my body was in a bad place. Now there were times when I was more lax, more nurturing, more understanding with myself but 4 years ago, I again found myself in a very dark and lonely place. I’d found a beautiful and wonderful Pilates place with an instructor I just adored, it started small, a few workouts a week and watching what I ate slowly became two-a-days and a real fear of eating. Then came “The Challenge “ this was an event at the studio that was meant to motivate and provide accountability to those healthy enough to participate. One aspect was measuring our body fat. My drive became laser focused. I began by adding a running mileage goal for myself in addition to daily workouts and a rigid meal plan. Every single calorie was accounted for. The challenge ended and I took second place losing 6 lbs and placing my 5’8 frame at around 116 lbs. I was so tired. Most of my days consisted of a class, a trail run and crashing the rest of the day from exhaustion. So deeply tired both mentally and physically . I worked out hard, I saw myself in the mirror, stringy and unwell, bruises on my spine from sit-ups on the floor, my face hardened and my clothes loose. Now this was an interesting time, I had some people absolutely praising me, telling me I’d never looked better, never been better and then there was my husband, fear in his eyes when he sat me down and told me he was genuinely worried about me. Then came the thoughts, dark and unrelenting, the feeling of doom, the anxiety that started to cause panic attacks. I found myself wanting to die. To be no more. I sat at lunch with 3 of my closest friends and the entire time I thought about how they’d be better off without me. Everyone would. I am a mess. What could I possibly have to offer the 3 beautiful kids and husband I had been so blessed with. I looked at my life, comfortable and safe and I felt even more remorse for carrying that darkness in my heart. One day at the gym I suffered a panic attack in class, one moment I was doing burpees and the next I was having tunnel vision and crying uncontrollably, I ran to my car and called my Doctor. I could do no more. I had an emotional appointment that day with my Doc who placed me on an antidepressant. I felt ashamed that I needed one. I felt embarrassed telling my husband and the side effects initially were difficult to manage. I slowly entered a phase of complete burnout. I literally couldn’t find it inside me to go to the gym. I gave my body what it so desperately needed, rest, food, patience and most of all acceptance. Over the next year I healed, I took my antidepressants, I read, I spoke about things that left me feeling raw and exposed and slowly but surely I began to feel like someone worthwhile again. I became intentional about the things I did. About giving my time to the people I felt safe and loved and supported by. I prayed, prayed to God, prayed to Mother Nature, prayed to the mountain, prayed to a greater being for peace, calm, clarity, and comfort in the midst of the storm brewing inside me, and slowly but surely, it came. I set boundaries. This was and is the hardest part, there are those in my life who I know love me deeply and who I love and miss but at the same time were unable to engage in healthy and productive relationships. I stopped doing things that made me feel disappointed. I started to put my mental wellness first. I started to LOVE ME.
The mountain became my holy place. Where my mind was quieted. Where my body didn’t need to look a certain way, only to perform, to be capable, strong and fast……or slow depending on the day. I am now in a better place. I’ve gained 20 lbs, I laugh a lot and I do it with a genuine heart. I hike, trail run, climb, ski, mountain bike and do Pilates. A little something to move my body everyday. I eat. I don’t count a damn calorie or macro ever. (I know so many people who are able to be successful at this and I’m certainly not against it, I just know it equals compulsive behavior in me) I share my story with a few safe people and now with the world.
I am so deeply honored to be in this body. It has given life to 3 amazing kids who I love and adore with my entire being. It adventures with my husband who still gives me butterflies. I am worthy. I am strong. And I am great at dirty jokes. And still bad at vulnerability and being serious.
It’s important to note that I am happier now than I’ve been in a long while. I’m able to be more of the mother, wife, and friend that I want to be. I’m capable and there is happiness enough in that.
I feel overwhelming support and love from my tribe and my hope to each and every woman out there is that you may find the things and people who make you well. Those who give you wings. Who raise you up and show you what it means to be whole, complete and content. Now, Get out there Girls. The world is ours. ♥️ Kelli
P.S. Kelli makes and sells the softest blankets. Go check them out here:
I’ve known Rachel since she was a teenager. My first experience with meeting her was when I moved into her house at 8 months pregnant. My husband and I moved to Washington D.C. and needed a place to stay until we found an apartment. Rachel’s dad is my husband’s second cousin and offered to let us stay with them. Rachel gave up her room for me. She even decorated it with a welcome sign. What teenager in high school does that?! She willingly gave up her space and did it with a smile on her face. We stayed for a few weeks and she eventually got her room back. Her kindness and selflessness impacted me and made me want to be a better person. It was a big deal for her to leave her room. A sacrifice that I will forever be grateful to Rachel for. Since then Rachel has done dozens of similar acts of kindness for me. Rachel is good for all the right reasons and I am so grateful to call her my friend.
Rachel’s Story:
I have always been uncomfortable in my own skin. Always insecure with my looks, my personality, my sense of humor, my intelligence. My lack of self esteem drove me to being so worried and wrapped up in all my insecurities. I was so busy worrying about how I looked and acted that I forgot to really enjoy life. Which is why when I found out about Get Out There Girl I was instantly pulled in. It killed two very personal birds with one stone for me. The first stone is enjoying life by going on fun adventures with women who are accepting and nonjudgmental who are striving for the same things as me. And the second stone is loving yourself and building confidence. I really love this organization and what it stands for. I’m not going to pretend that I still don’t struggle with low self esteem, it’s a continuous battle for me on a day to day basis. Even just a few months ago I was able to go on trip with my husband to Costa Rica, a once in a lifetime vacation. I was 7 months pregnant. We were able to hike up to this amazing waterfall and there was one fall that you can jump off of which I was so excited about. But as soon as I saw the other girls in their swimming suits I instantly self imploded and sunk into an emotional downward spiral. I refused to be seen in my swimming suit and therefore passed up the opportunity to jump off the waterfall. I was so upset with myself that I let myself get into my head and robbed me of a fun life memory even after all I feel I have learned and tried to get over. Which is why it is so important to have a group of empowering women who get it and who fight the same battles. A chance to be reminded of true beauty: creating lasting happy memories, getting outside in nature, and myself just as I am.
I met Gretchen at the GOTG March Retreat and I spent time talking to her as we hiked. I could feel the depth of Gretchen’s soul as we talked and I knew how important getting out in nature was to her. It’s not easy being vulnerable and sharing your story. I am so grateful she shared her’s with us today.
Gretchen’s Story:
“Is it possible to be an introvert and extrovert? Or are we shaped by how we live? I believe the latter.
The more I am stuck inside without nature and human interaction, the more introverted I feel.
The more I am outside, active, with nature and people, the more extroverted I feel.
Hmmmm…I choose extrovert!
My name is Gretchen. I am 55 years young and I am an extrovert
I grew up in a small town in Ohio as a shy, overweight pre-teen and then moved to Idaho in 7th grade. My parents took us out exploring Idaho camping, fishing and skiing. However, it wasn’t until I was in my late 20s and early 30s that I found I had a passion for the outdoors and how it made me feel when I was challenged by some great outdoor adventure. As a Mom and a friend, I encourage others to enjoy the outdoors with me.
For the past three years, I backpack with a friend over our summer birthdays. Tough backpacking – heavy packs, long miles, serious elevation gains, but an awesome challenge. This year was no different other than I was completely out of shape from big life changes over the past eight months , but rather than fret about it, I really took time to mentally prepare and think about how good being outside with my friend was going to be. We set out on a five day adventure with a goal of 40 miles. Day one was tough. Not gonna lie. I was hurting. 40 pound backpack (4 nights, 5 days worth of “stuff”), 10 mile hike in to 8500 feet. We did a few days of daypacking (kept camp at one lake for three nights) and that really helped us get in the miles. We ended up with 46.7 miles, 8400 feet of elevation gain, a renewed strength, clarity to resolve problems at home and a “can-do” attitude. I’d like to share what I walked away with.
Lesson learned: Self-Compassion through Mindset. I went into this trip with a completely different mindset. I knew I was not physically well-prepared for this trip, but I stayed positive. Things I said on the trail were positive. I did not focus on how exhausted I was, but physically I was slow – and that was okay. I accepted that I was a bit out of shape – I accepted that this was me, now, in this moment. I had only myself to hold accountable and I had no excuses. I got to our destination on my own two feet…there was no one to carry me and I would never turn back. There was no “I can’t”; just “I’ll try”. I was not afraid to fail. It’s all for fun and adventure and no one was judging me. My friend was super supportive and encouraging. We listen to each other and mentally lift each other up. I also realized I would never, ever take these times for granted. The time with my friend and her dog are precious. The mountains, lakes, trails, people we met – just beautiful! I mentally soaked in all this while we were out on the trail. They say, “Stop and smell the roses.”, well, I did Took lots of pictures and tucked away many vivid images in my head for those tough days ahead.
Lesson learned: Connections. As we continued to hike throughout the week, it felt like we were in our own little world. We had gone with the intention of hiking in far enough and high enough to be away from most people. It’s sad how the current Covid situation leaves us feeling like we are in a battle to protect our own thoughts and feelings and not be mis-guided by others. I looked forward to being away from social media and the news in general. It was a wonderful break. But what I did not expect was the connections I would make with my friend (even though we have been friends for three years) as well as with those we met on the trail. We saw others and encouraged them. We stopped to chat and learned from them. We shared in the solitude and we connected with them. Father/daughter duos, girlfriends and guy friends, old and young and families with little kids that just blew us away. Everyone was respectful and everyone loving every minute of being there together. It was very special!
Lesson learned: Clarity. Do you ever feel like there is so much “noise” that you cannot think clearly to work through issues? Simple and big issues I face and I can’t find ways to deal with them until I’m out on the trail. Then everything is clear. I have quiet time to actually think through the issue and even talk through some issues with my friend. Many times, those thoughts and conversations are GREAT distractions during tough parts of the hike. It’s like having your own personal counselor. I also take time to meditate and write when I retire into my tent at night. It’s typically pretty early, but I don’t fall asleep for hours after. I’ll listen to mindful, inspiring podcasts and write in my journal afterwards. Something about having this time outdoors, listening to birds, babbling brooks, gentle breezes, it opens my mind and allows me to know very clearly how I’m going to resolve issues.
It’s outdoor adventures like these that really turn my life around! I’m so grateful I get to be out in nature with friends, family, or by myself and really take advantage of these opportunities. Not only do I physically feel stronger, but I feel mentally stronger from all I learned through connections and clarity. And I know, with the right mindset, I can do and be anything I want for myself. If you have the chance, get out there!”
I’m honored that Brendy would share her story with us and I’m honored to now call Brendy my friend. Her strength and positive attitude are contagious.
Here is her story:
“We all have struggles, shortcomings, and challenges in our lives. It’s unfortunate that some of those we create for ourselves and even more so that someone else has left us in the wake of theirs. What is it that we can do?
If you’re wanting to build muscle, you cannot just walk up to a weight, pump it a few times and expect your body composition to change. It doesn’t work that way. Muscle just like your inner self needs a reason to grow. Resistance, exertion, heavyweight, time.
A seed planted, pushing up through the soil, needs that struggle to be strong enough to survive, Just as we do. To grow, change, bloom. Enter adversity.
I am a changed person from who I was even 4 years ago. Adversity, courage, and growth has done that for me. That’s not to say that I have always been the hero for myself and others that I have grown to be. I began with no voice, no self-worth, and no belief in what I was capable of doing. I was only living but not alive. A toxic relationship will do that to you. It takes until you can only define who you are by their opinion. You don’t even realize its happened until there is an awakening.
I was in an unhealthy relationship for a long time. I withstood emotional, mental, and physical abuse believing I deserved them and I was to blame for those actions. I was told that his behavior was my fault and that I was responsible. If I was better, did more, gave more than it would improve the relationship was my mantra. It was not always as volatile but became more so as time went on, especially after his accident. Even though he went through a battery of tests and evaluations and the doctors could not find anything “medically”, it intensified the behavior.
I remember the day when the “strings” where cut. It was clear as day to me. I wanted out but had no idea how to. My ability to make decisions was long gone, so I felt. Leaving a situation like this would seem so easy to the outside world. It is hard to understand and explain.
I struggled to find my identity at that time in my life. I had never had one of my own. I had missed out on so much personal growth.
It has been nearly 4 years ago since I felt the cut of “strings” within and almost 2 through a very high conflict divorce.
Through the last 2 years, I’ve been attacked. It has been a continual array of false allegations, manipulation of the legal system, and police along with other people’s perception that I have endured. There has been a level of self-compassion that I have had to give myself. It was extremely difficult in the beginning for me to have compassion for myself but as I have made strong connections with others, it has become easier. I’ve become aware that I have needed to have that compassion in order to make those connections. They have been a saving grace for me. Sometimes we allow darkness to consume us. Making time for yourself and building healthy positive relationships with others releases you from turmoil. It untangles you from the darkness and lets you breathe. I have found that the connections I have made due to the adversity I have encountered have enriched not just my life but theirs as well. I am now stronger in every way than I ever have been before. I decided for my healing I will be an advocate for others who have faced similar adversity. It has freed me. I am no longer struggling through adversity, I am evolving.
Your journey has lead you to where you are and it might not be just about you. There is someone you will meet that YOU will make a huge difference in their life. Be your own hero and it will be more than likely that you will be someone else’s also. Through self-compassion and my connections I now have awakened my thirst for adventure, which had been lost. Adding adventure is the last key to having found yourself and realizing that your life, your journey of light or dark is your daily choice. Chose to let your adversity do what it was designed to do. Awaken your compassion, connections, and adventure.”
I’m honored that Brendy would share her story with us and I’m honored to now call Brendy my friend. Her strength and positive attitude are contagious.
Here is her story:
“We all have struggles, shortcomings, and challenges in our lives. It’s unfortunate that some of those we create for ourselves and even more so that someone else has left us in the wake of theirs. What is it that we can do?
If you’re wanting to build muscle, you cannot just walk up to a weight, pump it a few times and expect your body composition to change. It doesn’t work that way. Muscle just like your inner self needs a reason to grow. Resistance, exertion, heavyweight, time.
A seed planted, pushing up through the soil, needs that struggle to be strong enough to survive, Just as we do. To grow, change, bloom. Enter adversity.
I am a changed person from who I was even 4 years ago. Adversity, courage, and growth has done that for me. That’s not to say that I have always been the hero for myself and others that I have grown to be. I began with no voice, no self-worth, and no belief in what I was capable of doing. I was only living but not alive. A toxic relationship will do that to you. It takes until you can only define who you are by their opinion. You don’t even realize its happened until there is an awakening.
I was in an unhealthy relationship for a long time. I withstood emotional, mental, and physical abuse believing I deserved them and I was to blame for those actions. I was told that his behavior was my fault and that I was responsible. If I was better, did more, gave more than it would improve the relationship was my mantra. It was not always as volatile but became more so as time went on, especially after his accident. Even though he went through a battery of tests and evaluations and the doctors could not find anything “medically”, it intensified the behavior.
I remember the day when the “strings” where cut. It was clear as day to me. I wanted out but had no idea how to. My ability to make decisions was long gone, so I felt. Leaving a situation like this would seem so easy to the outside world. It is hard to understand and explain.
I struggled to find my identity at that time in my life. I had never had one of my own. I had missed out on so much personal growth.
It has been nearly 4 years ago since I felt the cut of “strings” within and almost 2 through a very high conflict divorce.
Through the last 2 years, I’ve been attacked. It has been a continual array of false allegations, manipulation of the legal system, and police along with other people’s perception that I have endured. There has been a level of self-compassion that I have had to give myself. It was extremely difficult in the beginning for me to have compassion for myself but as I have made strong connections with others, it has become easier. I’ve become aware that I have needed to have that compassion in order to make those connections. They have been a saving grace for me. Sometimes we allow darkness to consume us. Making time for yourself and building healthy positive relationships with others releases you from turmoil. It untangles you from the darkness and lets you breathe. I have found that the connections I have made due to the adversity I have encountered have enriched not just my life but theirs as well. I am now stronger in every way than I ever have been before. I decided for my healing I will be an advocate for others who have faced similar adversity. It has freed me. I am no longer struggling through adversity, I am evolving.
Your journey has lead you to where you are and it might not be just about you. There is someone you will meet that YOU will make a huge difference in their life. Be your own hero and it will be more than likely that you will be someone else’s also. Through self-compassion and my connections I now have awakened my thirst for adventure, which had been lost. Adding adventure is the last key to having found yourself and realizing that your life, your journey of light or dark is your daily choice. Chose to let your adversity do what it was designed to do. Awaken your compassion, connections, and adventure.”
