I knew that the day would come when Brittany would ask me to share my story. Honestly, I was super hesitant and did not want to because I had no clue where to even begin with “my story,” but I am a big people pleaser and advocate for getting out of your comfort zone, so here it is. I prefer not to be in the spotlight. I tend to be a perfectionist and over analyze everything. I try really hard to come across as a chill and go with the flow kind of girl (and I am in many aspects of my life) but when it comes to being vulnerable sharing something about myself, I would rather just run the other way. I struggle with what people think of me more than I would like to admit and don’t want people to think I’m crazy. I logically know these are self-defeating thoughts. After all, I am a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, and have heard many stories before and if anything, I feel more connected to a person when they are at their most vulnerable times in their life. In fact, I honor it. I admire it. So why is it so difficult for me to do the same with others? I’m human and have acknowledged that I struggle with fear and anxiety.
Becoming a mother almost 12 years ago, really threw a curve ball at me. When my oldest two were toddlers, I remember feeling like this would never end and my life was doomed to just cleaning up messes every. single. day. I always knew that I really wanted to stay home with my kids to raise them and not have to work outside the home. However, there were many days I wanted to just escape and run away. I felt like I couldn’t breathe at times. I do work from home teaching online courses which I thought was way harder for me since what would take me two hours working outside the home literally took me all day long. I was so overwhelmed. I knew some action had to be taken. I finally decided to send them to daycare for a few hours a couple of times a week and I felt so guilty at first that I couldn’t just take on the world and had to ask for help. Asking for help is definitely not my strong suit. I knew that I needed this and my kids needed it too. I became so stressed that I would be on edge all the time and yell at them way too much. I even tried to work outside the home full-time a few years ago. I really enjoyed some parts of it, but it was too much at the time. I respect working moms so much. Over the years, I have learned that self-compassion is so essential to life and especially in my role as a mother. We are so quick to lay on the mom guilt that can become an overwhelming shame that lies deep within us. I have been so grateful for women that have come into my life where I have been able to open up with and connect. It has been a saving grace for me. I am a strong, independent woman and often feel like I should be able to get through things on my own. I quickly am reminded that it takes strength to ask for help and realize that you need other people in your life. When I struggled through two miscarriages, great women beside me helped me through those difficult losses. When I was losing my hair to an autoimmune disease, alopecia areata, so many friends were there for me. I was fortunate to find out that I had celiac which keeps my alopecia at bay for now and I have my hair. While I don’t like to be in the spotlight and center of attention, we all want to be seen. I’m so grateful for good people that see me. Bottom line, women need women. We are better together. I know I would feel guilty at first when I would get together with my girlfriends and that it was taking away quality time with my husband and kids. I have since learned that it is so essential for my emotional and mental health to give myself this gift to connect with other women. This is where I can recharge and come back a stronger and better person, wife, and mother.
I first heard about GOTG from a Facebook post that an old college friend Laura shared about the cowgirl retreat. My curiosity peaked and I thought this sounds fun and at such an affordable price. I went back and forth on it and finally told my husband and he told me to go ahead and just do it. I then found myself signing up for it still not quite so sure about this. I legitimately thought that it was possibly a scam. I knew nothing about this company or group. I am super shy and reserved, but I am so glad that I went out of my comfort zone and went. I really thought most girls there would really be like riding horses their whole life and I would feel so out of place. While there were a few amazing riders, everyone there was so nice and never felt like I did not belong. I love my time there being able to stretch myself in ways I haven’t before. The snowmobile retreat was a similar experience and don’t regret going on either one. These experiences have enriched my life. Thank you Brittany for all the good work you do and the amazing women I have met.
Kim and her friend Laura hiking on the Cowgirl Retreat
Before I write even one sentence I want to make sure that anyone reading this knows that this is a judgment free post. As I write about why I choose to stay home that does not mean I am judging women who do not choose to stay at home. I also acknowledge the fact of how blessed I am to even have the choice of whether I want to work or stay home. I am writing this blog post because it’s been on my mind a lot lately. Actually constantly. As I see society embracing working moms and encouraging women to get outside the home and chase their dreams I wanted to point out that for some moms like myself staying home is the dream.
Confession, as I see women find success outside the home and receive praise the pride in me desires it. You see I didn’t think I was good at a lot of things when I was a teenager. However, there was one thing I knew I was good at and that was getting straight A’s. When I was in college I received a full ride scholarship based on my grades that was contingent on me keeping my grades up. I did the entire four years. Once I graduated, got married and started having kids I noticed I didn’t have that extrinsic recognition I had always based a lot of my self worth on. I craved it and when I didn’t have a report card coming or a promotion to apply for I felt empty and depressed. Being a mom is not a job that is praised enough. Kids have no idea how much it takes to keep them alive and happy and they certainly don’t thank you for everything. It really is a thankless job at times. Fortunately, I noticed this and was able to work on my self worth internally. I learned that I have value regardless of outside reports or praise. However, even with knowing my value it doesn’t mean that I don’t need some reassurances that I am not a total failure at motherhood.
With all of these thoughts roaming around my head I have found myself wondering if working outside the home is something that I want and if I even have what it takes to have a successful career? I’ve decided that I do have what it takes. I don’t stay home with kids because I’m not capable or qualified to do anything else. On the contrary I actually think I could go far. I like control, I know how to work hard and get things done and I’m great at bossing people around. Haha However, my dream job is at home, being a mother. Which I must say capitalizes on those strengths I just listed. Even on hard days when I’m pulling out my hair and need to get out of the house for a bit because my kids are driving me nuts I still don’t want to go back to work. It’s on those days in particular, after I get my break, that I come home and know in my heart that this is where I am supposed to be and there is nowhere else I’d rather be. I truly love being at home. Life is not a fairy tale at the Crane house. We struggle but still I choose it. It is still my dream.
Celebrating my 34th birthday with my favorite food: Donuts!
My career goal has always been to be a mother and more particularly to be a stay at home mom. I’ve been blessed with a husband who supports that goal and even when we were struggling financially we cut our spending way back and went without a lot of things so I could continue to stay home. Right after we graduated college we moved to Washington D.C. Ben got a job working for the Census Bureau and I was 8 months pregnant. Because we were fresh out of college and his position was entry level we were broke. We ended up living in a tiny one bedroom government subsidized apartment right on the line of where hood met freeway. We had one car, which when someone hit us we decided to get a junk yard door replacement (that wasn’t even the same color) and use the insurance money to buy a computer that we needed. Talk about ghetto. Ben’s commute started with a bike ride followed by something people in D.C termed “slugging” (think organized hitchhiking). It finished with a train ride and a walk and it was over an hour each way. We lived further away because that is where housing was cheaper. I bought minimal groceries from a grocery store known to be as cheap as possible and I stopped dying my hair. Crazy I know! haha We cut corners every where we could.
All this is to paint a picture of how cheap we were living. This continued for years. I remember several of his co-workers commenting on how lucky we were that I could stay home. His boss in particular. She was a high level government employee who her income was her family’s second. She lived in a large house and had a very comfortable lifestyle. She commented on several occasions on how LUCKY I was to stay home with my kids. We had two by this point. While I didn’t take offense to that (because I truly feel blessed to stay home) I also wanted to explain that it was a choice. My husband and I chose to have me stay home with the kids and live on one paycheck. We went without a lot of things during that time because we were living so lean. I don’t regret it for one second.
Like I mentioned earlier I’ve been noticing a trend lately. A good trend. Working women who create names for themselves are being praised in society. I applaud that. I also want to applaud women who choose to stay home. It’s not an easy choice and many of them do it despite the encouragement from the world to build a career and despite the praise they are missing out on. I see now how it goes both ways. Working moms sometimes feel guilty for having a career away from home and stay at home moms often feel like they are missing out on a career. We need to cut ourselves some slack, acknowledge that we all have different circumstances, and support one another whatever we choose.
I feel like my post would be incomplete without also mentioning the women who had the dream of staying home but due to circumstances have to work. You are brave and strong and selfless. Once again you put your family’s needs above your own. I hope you are still chasing your dreams even if your dreams had to shift.
Whether you choose a career, staying at home, or are forced to work, I hope you follow your dreams. The world needs more women who follow their dreams. I love, support, and salute you. I am so grateful to be in this world together.
So which is your dream: Career or staying at home? Tell me in the comments.
Before I write even one sentence I want to make sure that anyone reading this knows that this is a judgment free post. As I write about why I choose to stay home that does not mean I am judging women who do not choose to stay at home. I also acknowledge the fact of how blessed I am to even have the choice of whether I want to work or stay home. I am writing this blog post because it’s been on my mind a lot lately. Actually constantly. As I see society embracing working moms and encouraging women to get outside the home and chase their dreams I wanted to point out that for some moms like myself staying home is the dream.
Confession, as I see women find success outside the home and receive praise the pride in me desires it. You see I didn’t think I was good at a lot of things when I was a teenager. However, there was one thing I knew I was good at and that was getting straight A’s. When I was in college I received a full ride scholarship based on my grades that was contingent on me keeping my grades up. I did the entire four years. Once I graduated, got married and started having kids I noticed I didn’t have that extrinsic recognition I had always based a lot of my self worth on. I craved it and when I didn’t have a report card coming or a promotion to apply for I felt empty and depressed. Being a mom is not a job that is praised enough. Kids have no idea how much it takes to keep them alive and happy and they certainly don’t thank you for everything. It really is a thankless job at times. Fortunately, I noticed this and was able to work on my self worth internally. I learned that I have value regardless of outside reports or praise. However, even with knowing my value it doesn’t mean that I don’t need some reassurances that I am not a total failure at motherhood.
With all of these thoughts roaming around my head I have found myself wondering if working outside the home is something that I want and if I even have what it takes to have a successful career? I’ve decided that I do have what it takes. I don’t stay home with kids because I’m not capable or qualified to do anything else. On the contrary I actually think I could go far. I like control, I know how to work hard and get things done and I’m great at bossing people around. Haha However, my dream job is at home, being a mother. Which I must say capitalizes on those strengths I just listed. Even on hard days when I’m pulling out my hair and need to get out of the house for a bit because my kids are driving me nuts I still don’t want to go back to work. It’s on those days in particular, after I get my break, that I come home and know in my heart that this is where I am supposed to be and there is nowhere else I’d rather be. I truly love being at home. Life is not a fairy tale at the Crane house. We struggle but still I choose it. It is still my dream.
Celebrating my 34th birthday with my favorite food: Donuts!
My career goal has always been to be a mother and more particularly to be a stay at home mom. I’ve been blessed with a husband who supports that goal and even when we were struggling financially we cut our spending way back and went without a lot of things so I could continue to stay home. Right after we graduated college we moved to Washington D.C. Ben got a job working for the Census Bureau and I was 8 months pregnant. Because we were fresh out of college and his position was entry level we were broke. We ended up living in a tiny one bedroom government subsidized apartment right on the line of where hood met freeway. We had one car, which when someone hit us we decided to get a junk yard door replacement (that wasn’t even the same color) and use the insurance money to buy a computer that we needed. Talk about ghetto. Ben’s commute started with a bike ride followed by something people in D.C termed “slugging” (think organized hitchhiking). It finished with a train ride and a walk and it was over an hour each way. We lived further away because that is where housing was cheaper. I bought minimal groceries from a grocery store known to be as cheap as possible and I stopped dying my hair. Crazy I know! haha We cut corners every where we could.
All this is to paint a picture of how cheap we were living. This continued for years. I remember several of his co-workers commenting on how lucky we were that I could stay home. His boss in particular. She was a high level government employee who her income was her family’s second. She lived in a large house and had a very comfortable lifestyle. She commented on several occasions on how LUCKY I was to stay home with my kids. We had two by this point. While I didn’t take offense to that (because I truly feel blessed to stay home) I also wanted to explain that it was a choice. My husband and I chose to have me stay home with the kids and live on one paycheck. We went without a lot of things during that time because we were living so lean. I don’t regret it for one second.
Like I mentioned earlier I’ve been noticing a trend lately. A good trend. Working women who create names for themselves are being praised in society. I applaud that. I also want to applaud women who choose to stay home. It’s not an easy choice and many of them do it despite the encouragement from the world to build a career and despite the praise they are missing out on. I see now how it goes both ways. Working moms sometimes feel guilty for having a career away from home and stay at home moms often feel like they are missing out on a career. We need to cut ourselves some slack, acknowledge that we all have different circumstances, and support one another whatever we choose.
I feel like my post would be incomplete without also mentioning the women who had the dream of staying home but due to circumstances have to work. You are brave and strong and selfless. Once again you put your family’s needs above your own. I hope you are still chasing your dreams even if your dreams had to shift.
Whether you choose a career, staying at home, or are forced to work, I hope you follow your dreams. The world needs more women who follow their dreams. I love, support, and salute you. I am so grateful to be in this world together.
So which is your dream: Career or staying at home? Tell me in the comments.
