I am the epitome of a “people person.” All through my single years, I felt enlivened after spending an evening at a party or dinner with friends. I ate up the laughter and applause from audiences any time I’d perform in community theater shows. I loved seeing new places and meeting new people. I was energetic, goofy, and thoroughly enjoyed making people laugh.
Fast forward to my first son’s 1st birthday: my husband and I bought a birthday cake and a pregnancy test at the grocery store. It was positive. We were elated!
But with the birth of my second son came a dark cloud. I wasn’t adjusting to two kids like I’d hoped. I wasn’t bonding with the baby like I wanted. Nothing was right. I was so, so, so stressed trying to juggle a newborn and a one-year-old. If I wasn’t stressing over them while they were awake, I was sobbing to myself in the middle of the night, hounded by the intrusive thoughts of their death or my husband’s death. But I didn’t feel depressed. I wasn’t sad or full of despair. So this couldn’t be post partum depression, right? All I knew was I used to be such a happy person. I was a happy person, so what was this???
Because now I was always livid. My emotions constantly hovered just below boiling point. I was angry. I was screaming. I wanted so badly to punch a hole in every wall. This compounded with insomnia and a newborn who would not. stop. crying. I was losing it almost daily and freaking out and literally screaming at my 22 month-old toddler who could barely talk in sentences, let alone comprehend that Mommy was upset. Inevitably I’d crumble into a heap of guilty tears, hugging him and saying “I’m sorry,” over and over. When my baby was four months old, I finally texted my husband, saying I didn’t recognize myself and needed to go to therapy. After doing some research, I chose a therapist who specialized in maternal mental health. She knew exactly what was happening.
It was postpartum rage, and I was drowning in it. Considered to be under the umbrella of postpartum depression, but more rare, articles addressing the disorder only just started popping up online within the last few years (I know because they weren’t there four years ago when I was googling like crazy why I felt crazy). Over the next 10 months of therapy, I started to gain crucial insight, including how to recognize triggers, how to cope and deal with rage outbursts, the value of self care, and how to maintain my identity outside of Mother as a “people-person.” As much as I loved my healthy bright boys, I felt so lonely. For some reason it was so much harder to make friends, close friends now that I was a mom. I needed people.
My husband was incredibly supportive and said we should set up our schedules and finances so I could take weekend trips here and there to re-energize myself. I also desperately ached for a creative outlet since performing wasn’t really doable at the time, and signed up for a Beginning Photography night class at a local college.
I began taking short trips to visit old friends who lived in other states and on one occasion, I scored killer plane tickets and enjoyed a whirlwind “Mama Spring Break” trip to Greece with an old friend from college. (I highly don’t suggest a quick turn around trip to the other side of the world but also, it was wild and amazing and exhauuuusting and incredible and I cherish it dearly). Traveling had been a deep passion of mine and it felt so good to be doing it again! Most of all to be traveling with a friend. Both of us were mamas. But for those few days in Greece, we were wide-eyed, excited college kids again, ready to tackle the map and see it all!
Nothing bonds two people like experiencing a foreign country together. You could end up having the worst time or an awful Airbnb, or get lost in a city and not know the language or run out of money ooooor you stumble on the most amazing, charming, cobblestoned seaside town in the history of ever and there’s just no explaining it to anyone else. Either way, doing it alongside a dear friend makes it pure adventure and you’re forever connected in that experience. In between site seeing and over meals, we poured our hearts out to each other about our frustrations and excitements, about our business dreams, about how surreal and amazing it was to be there, about how much fun we had way back when when we were roommates in London, about how amazing our babies are, about how amazing our husbands are, what it’s like to be older with so many more responsibilities and unknowns. We were connecting as mothers and friends. And it was so very healing.
Inevitably, each time I’m away, I always have a very definitive moment where something happens, a feeling strikes my heart, and I always have the thought, “I’m ready to go back now. I miss my kids so much it hurts.” That short time away where I’m able to connect with another woman who totally gets it is therapeutic in every way and I’m so much better prepared to tackle motherhood once I return. I’m literally aching for it. But most importantly, when I’m in the throes of day to day life, I realize simple connections like a phone call or a Marco Polo message buoy me up and help me to keep going and stay sane.
The rage still flairs from time to time to be honest. It But I know how to cope with it now, and know it’s ok to step away for a moment. Remember: Momming is hard! Do it with a friend, take breaks, and look at the scenery when you can!
Get Out There Girl was created to offer women the opportunity to connect with one another through adventure and feel compassion for themselves as a result. Hiking has become a valuable tool in helping accomplish that goal. In June we hiked the Richards Hollow trail in Blacksmith Canyon above Logan, Utah. The trail follows the path of a creek and 1.5 miles in reaches a waterfall that cascades down a rocky cliff.
We began the hike near a campground, and though it was popular that day, it was serene nonetheless. The sound of the water trickling down the mountain, the wildflowers bending in the breeze, and the tall trees shading us was exactly what we needed to truly enjoy the outdoors. The trail is narrow in some places but often wide enough for two of us to walk together and enjoy the company of a new friend.
As we climbed the mountain towards the waterfall we crossed the creek multiple times and enjoyed the cool water on our feet. Walking on fallen tree trunks and hopping rocks brought a bit of childish excitement to the hike. When women let go of the worry of looking silly and enjoying the moment we can be who we really are. Those carefree moments are imperative in connecting with other women as this too allows them to do the same.
Richard’s Hollow Hike is the perfect place to get out and enjoy nature. The trail is rigorous enough to give you the feeling of accomplishment but easy enough to make it enjoyable for hikers of all levels. Plus taking pictures in a tepee and eating lunch at the bottom of a waterfall is the perfect way to enjoy a hot summer day.
I’m honored that Brendy would share her story with us and I’m honored to now call Brendy my friend. Her strength and positive attitude are contagious.
Here is her story:
“We all have struggles, shortcomings, and challenges in our lives. It’s unfortunate that some of those we create for ourselves and even more so that someone else has left us in the wake of theirs. What is it that we can do?
If you’re wanting to build muscle, you cannot just walk up to a weight, pump it a few times and expect your body composition to change. It doesn’t work that way. Muscle just like your inner self needs a reason to grow. Resistance, exertion, heavyweight, time.
A seed planted, pushing up through the soil, needs that struggle to be strong enough to survive, Just as we do. To grow, change, bloom. Enter adversity.
I am a changed person from who I was even 4 years ago. Adversity, courage, and growth has done that for me. That’s not to say that I have always been the hero for myself and others that I have grown to be. I began with no voice, no self-worth, and no belief in what I was capable of doing. I was only living but not alive. A toxic relationship will do that to you. It takes until you can only define who you are by their opinion. You don’t even realize its happened until there is an awakening.
I was in an unhealthy relationship for a long time. I withstood emotional, mental, and physical abuse believing I deserved them and I was to blame for those actions. I was told that his behavior was my fault and that I was responsible. If I was better, did more, gave more than it would improve the relationship was my mantra. It was not always as volatile but became more so as time went on, especially after his accident. Even though he went through a battery of tests and evaluations and the doctors could not find anything “medically”, it intensified the behavior.
I remember the day when the “strings” where cut. It was clear as day to me. I wanted out but had no idea how to. My ability to make decisions was long gone, so I felt. Leaving a situation like this would seem so easy to the outside world. It is hard to understand and explain.
I struggled to find my identity at that time in my life. I had never had one of my own. I had missed out on so much personal growth.
It has been nearly 4 years ago since I felt the cut of “strings” within and almost 2 through a very high conflict divorce.
Through the last 2 years, I’ve been attacked. It has been a continual array of false allegations, manipulation of the legal system, and police along with other people’s perception that I have endured. There has been a level of self-compassion that I have had to give myself. It was extremely difficult in the beginning for me to have compassion for myself but as I have made strong connections with others, it has become easier. I’ve become aware that I have needed to have that compassion in order to make those connections. They have been a saving grace for me. Sometimes we allow darkness to consume us. Making time for yourself and building healthy positive relationships with others releases you from turmoil. It untangles you from the darkness and lets you breathe. I have found that the connections I have made due to the adversity I have encountered have enriched not just my life but theirs as well. I am now stronger in every way than I ever have been before. I decided for my healing I will be an advocate for others who have faced similar adversity. It has freed me. I am no longer struggling through adversity, I am evolving.
Your journey has lead you to where you are and it might not be just about you. There is someone you will meet that YOU will make a huge difference in their life. Be your own hero and it will be more than likely that you will be someone else’s also. Through self-compassion and my connections I now have awakened my thirst for adventure, which had been lost. Adding adventure is the last key to having found yourself and realizing that your life, your journey of light or dark is your daily choice. Chose to let your adversity do what it was designed to do. Awaken your compassion, connections, and adventure.”
I’m honored that Brendy would share her story with us and I’m honored to now call Brendy my friend. Her strength and positive attitude are contagious.
Here is her story:
“We all have struggles, shortcomings, and challenges in our lives. It’s unfortunate that some of those we create for ourselves and even more so that someone else has left us in the wake of theirs. What is it that we can do?
If you’re wanting to build muscle, you cannot just walk up to a weight, pump it a few times and expect your body composition to change. It doesn’t work that way. Muscle just like your inner self needs a reason to grow. Resistance, exertion, heavyweight, time.
A seed planted, pushing up through the soil, needs that struggle to be strong enough to survive, Just as we do. To grow, change, bloom. Enter adversity.
I am a changed person from who I was even 4 years ago. Adversity, courage, and growth has done that for me. That’s not to say that I have always been the hero for myself and others that I have grown to be. I began with no voice, no self-worth, and no belief in what I was capable of doing. I was only living but not alive. A toxic relationship will do that to you. It takes until you can only define who you are by their opinion. You don’t even realize its happened until there is an awakening.
I was in an unhealthy relationship for a long time. I withstood emotional, mental, and physical abuse believing I deserved them and I was to blame for those actions. I was told that his behavior was my fault and that I was responsible. If I was better, did more, gave more than it would improve the relationship was my mantra. It was not always as volatile but became more so as time went on, especially after his accident. Even though he went through a battery of tests and evaluations and the doctors could not find anything “medically”, it intensified the behavior.
I remember the day when the “strings” where cut. It was clear as day to me. I wanted out but had no idea how to. My ability to make decisions was long gone, so I felt. Leaving a situation like this would seem so easy to the outside world. It is hard to understand and explain.
I struggled to find my identity at that time in my life. I had never had one of my own. I had missed out on so much personal growth.
It has been nearly 4 years ago since I felt the cut of “strings” within and almost 2 through a very high conflict divorce.
Through the last 2 years, I’ve been attacked. It has been a continual array of false allegations, manipulation of the legal system, and police along with other people’s perception that I have endured. There has been a level of self-compassion that I have had to give myself. It was extremely difficult in the beginning for me to have compassion for myself but as I have made strong connections with others, it has become easier. I’ve become aware that I have needed to have that compassion in order to make those connections. They have been a saving grace for me. Sometimes we allow darkness to consume us. Making time for yourself and building healthy positive relationships with others releases you from turmoil. It untangles you from the darkness and lets you breathe. I have found that the connections I have made due to the adversity I have encountered have enriched not just my life but theirs as well. I am now stronger in every way than I ever have been before. I decided for my healing I will be an advocate for others who have faced similar adversity. It has freed me. I am no longer struggling through adversity, I am evolving.
Your journey has lead you to where you are and it might not be just about you. There is someone you will meet that YOU will make a huge difference in their life. Be your own hero and it will be more than likely that you will be someone else’s also. Through self-compassion and my connections I now have awakened my thirst for adventure, which had been lost. Adding adventure is the last key to having found yourself and realizing that your life, your journey of light or dark is your daily choice. Chose to let your adversity do what it was designed to do. Awaken your compassion, connections, and adventure.”
This week Niki shares (in video format) how powerful connection is when we share our struggles with each other. She talks about how we don’t need to look like each other or have similar personalities in order to connect. We can connect through our vulnerability.
Niki is a licensed therapist and just a few weeks ago, at the June Yoga Retreat, she led our group in a workshop on Mind Body Bridging. Niki imparted her knowledge and tools in helping us bridge the gap between our emotions and our physical reactions to them. It was wonderful.
Thank you for sharing Niki! We are so grateful you were willing to put yourself out there and come on a retreat with us. We all learned valuable information from you that weekend.
You can learn more about Mind Body Bridging from Niki on her Website.
This week Niki shares (in video format) how powerful connection is when we share our struggles with each other. She talks about how we don’t need to look like each other or have similar personalities in order to connect. We can connect through our vulnerability.
Niki is a licensed therapist and just a few weeks ago, at the June Yoga Retreat, she led our group in a workshop on Mind Body Bridging. Niki imparted her knowledge and tools in helping us bridge the gap between our emotions and our physical reactions to them. It was wonderful.
Thank you for sharing Niki! We are so grateful you were willing to put yourself out there and come on a retreat with us. We all learned valuable information from you that weekend.
You can learn more about Mind Body Bridging from Niki on her Website.
