I’m honored that Brendy would share her story with us and I’m honored to now call Brendy my friend. Her strength and positive attitude are contagious.
Here is her story:
“We all have struggles, shortcomings, and challenges in our lives. It’s unfortunate that some of those we create for ourselves and even more so that someone else has left us in the wake of theirs. What is it that we can do?
If you’re wanting to build muscle, you cannot just walk up to a weight, pump it a few times and expect your body composition to change. It doesn’t work that way. Muscle just like your inner self needs a reason to grow. Resistance, exertion, heavyweight, time.
A seed planted, pushing up through the soil, needs that struggle to be strong enough to survive, Just as we do. To grow, change, bloom. Enter adversity.
I am a changed person from who I was even 4 years ago. Adversity, courage, and growth has done that for me. That’s not to say that I have always been the hero for myself and others that I have grown to be. I began with no voice, no self-worth, and no belief in what I was capable of doing. I was only living but not alive. A toxic relationship will do that to you. It takes until you can only define who you are by their opinion. You don’t even realize its happened until there is an awakening.
I was in an unhealthy relationship for a long time. I withstood emotional, mental, and physical abuse believing I deserved them and I was to blame for those actions. I was told that his behavior was my fault and that I was responsible. If I was better, did more, gave more than it would improve the relationship was my mantra. It was not always as volatile but became more so as time went on, especially after his accident. Even though he went through a battery of tests and evaluations and the doctors could not find anything “medically”, it intensified the behavior.
I remember the day when the “strings” where cut. It was clear as day to me. I wanted out but had no idea how to. My ability to make decisions was long gone, so I felt. Leaving a situation like this would seem so easy to the outside world. It is hard to understand and explain.
I struggled to find my identity at that time in my life. I had never had one of my own. I had missed out on so much personal growth.
It has been nearly 4 years ago since I felt the cut of “strings” within and almost 2 through a very high conflict divorce.
Through the last 2 years, I’ve been attacked. It has been a continual array of false allegations, manipulation of the legal system, and police along with other people’s perception that I have endured. There has been a level of self-compassion that I have had to give myself. It was extremely difficult in the beginning for me to have compassion for myself but as I have made strong connections with others, it has become easier. I’ve become aware that I have needed to have that compassion in order to make those connections. They have been a saving grace for me. Sometimes we allow darkness to consume us. Making time for yourself and building healthy positive relationships with others releases you from turmoil. It untangles you from the darkness and lets you breathe. I have found that the connections I have made due to the adversity I have encountered have enriched not just my life but theirs as well. I am now stronger in every way than I ever have been before. I decided for my healing I will be an advocate for others who have faced similar adversity. It has freed me. I am no longer struggling through adversity, I am evolving.
Your journey has lead you to where you are and it might not be just about you. There is someone you will meet that YOU will make a huge difference in their life. Be your own hero and it will be more than likely that you will be someone else’s also. Through self-compassion and my connections I now have awakened my thirst for adventure, which had been lost. Adding adventure is the last key to having found yourself and realizing that your life, your journey of light or dark is your daily choice. Chose to let your adversity do what it was designed to do. Awaken your compassion, connections, and adventure.”